Holiday Letter -- Long Version

What if you could give your employees a holiday gift that would bring peace and harmony to your workplace?

DOING THE RIGHT THING
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time

is my holiday gift to you. It is a book about people who work in offices and why we fight. It describes the ways we treat each other that lead to conflict and how we can change that, instantly, by seeing each other from a different point of view.

Doing the Right Thing and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time is a step-by-step guide, a very specific description of how to reach a new vantage point that changes how we see other people and, therefore, how we talk to them and act with them. It works even if you don't believe the underlying philosophy. It works if only one person does it. It works if everybody does it.

There are 21 perspectives in Doing the Right Thing and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time. One of them is: everyone is doing the best they can. I believe this is true of all people all the time. But, whether it is true or not, if we treat people as if we believe that they are doing the best they can, they will respond in a positive way. They will:

· help solve problems instead of being defensive
· listen to suggestions instead of fighting
· keep trying instead of giving up

This is one of the 21 simple yet powerful techniques described in the book that anyone can use to resolve conflicts and create better relationships with people at work.

To order Doing the Right Thing and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time for your employees, contact:

Marianne Powers
1413 33rd Circle SE
Rio Rancho, NM 87124
(505) 892-4990
(505) 270-9150 cell
www.mariannepowers.com marianne@mariannepowers.com

Books for Companies

One of the people that stopped by my book signing for Doing the Right Thing and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time didn't buy a book. But she did help make my day. She said, "Sometimes my company buys books. I'll take this (a brochure) to the Director." I thought I might try that later, but maybe it should be sooner. I will try writing a letter to people that I don't know but who I know need my book.

Mystery Solved?

My friend Laura (lauralm61.blogspot.com)has a solution for the mystery. It is related to my problem with Toastmasters. You see, Toastmasters thinks I am two different people. I belong to 6 clubs. Half of the magazines come to one member number and the other half come to a different one. So that's why there are two ISBN numbers. There are two of me. I must have a doppelganger!

Barnes and Noble Mystery

I published my book with ebookstand and it is available for sale at their website, www.ebookstand.com. They assigned an ISBN number and listed the book with Bowker's Books in Print, but that's not for the public. They also have an agreement with Alibris and it is available for sale on their website at www.alibris.com. They are supposed to get it listed on Barnes & Noble. It is there, well, sort of. If you go to www.barnesandnoble.com and search for my name, it will find 124 books but not mine. You can then click on More Search Options. If you search for my name there, it will find 2 books but not mine. At the bottom of that list, though, it will suggest that you search in their Used & Out of Print Store. As soon as you click on that link, there it is! The really weird thing is, it has a different ISBN number there. Very mysterious. My publisher says that the delay in getting in the regular search is because Barnes & Noble doesn't list it right away. It has been three weeks since it came up on Alibris.

A Fun Book Signing

Thanks to everyone who came out tonight to make my book signing a success! New Mexico Books & More was very proud of me. They said it was a very good signing and that was because I didn't just sit there but had talked to everyone. Of course, the candy helped, too, I'm sure! It was really fun! Thanks!

Booksigning Saturday at 5

Tomorrow is Saturday, November 26! From 5:00 to 6:00 PM, I will be signing books at New Mexico Books & More, Cottonwood Mall, Lower Level next to JC Penney, on the west side of the river in Albuquerque, NM:

Doing the Right Thing

If you're in Albuquerque at Cottonwood Mall's New Mexico Books & More, Hastings at Wyoming & Montgomery, or Hastings at Coors & Montano, this is the book you're looking for!

Choice Quotes

I am learning that if I just go on accepting the framework for life that others have given me, if I fail to make my own choices, the reason for my life will be missing. I will be unable to recognize that which I have the power to change.
Liv Ullmann (1938 - ____) Norwegian actress, humanitarian
In "Words of Women Quotations for Success," by Power Dynamics Publishing, 1997.

It's not the situation that's causing your stress, it's your thoughts, and you can change that right here and now. You can choose to be peaceful right here and now. Peace is a choice, and it has nothing to do with what other people do or think.
Gerald Jampolsky ( - ____) US psychiatrist
PACE Magazine

Live your dream by making deliberate choices, not just responding to whatever life throws your way.
Marcia Wieder ( - ____) US writer, motivational speaker
In "Words of Women Quotations for Success," by Power Dynamics Publishing, 1997.

You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices.
Deepak Chopra (1949 - ____) Indian physician, author
In The Ultimate Success Quotations Library, 1997.

It's Our Choices

Watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on television, I heard a beautiful piece of wisdom. Harry was worried that he saw many similarities between himself and the villain, Lord Voldemort. Albus Dumbledore reassured him, saying:

"It's our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

DOING THE RIGHT THING AT NEW MEXICO BOOKS & MORE

Albuquerque, NM – November 20, 2005

“Doing the Right Thing is a book about people who work in offices and why we fight,” says the author, Marianne Powers. “It offers 21 perspectives anyone can use to resolve conflicts and create better relationships with people at work.” Why do we fight? Powers says that people can disagree about anything, but we fight because we are not treated like we want to be treated. With the insights found in the book, Powers says that people will understand why it is important to show coworkers respect for their achievements and compassion for their imperfections.

Doing the Right Thing and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time, from New Mexico author Marianne Powers, is one of the books available this holiday season at New Mexico Books & More. This is the second year that the New Mexico Book Co-op has sponsored the store, which features books from New Mexico authors, New Mexico publishers, and about New Mexico. The store is open from November 20, 2005, until December 31, 2005 and is located at Cottonwood Mall, lower level, next to J.C. Penney.

Marianne Powers will sign copies of her book at New Mexico Books & More on Saturday, November 26, from 5:00 to 6:00 PM.

Marianne Powers is a writer and public speaker in the areas of management, conflict resolution, working relationships, and personal growth. She has 30 years experience as an office worker, manager, and consultant in over 50 companies in Maryland, Nevada, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, New Mexico, Montana, South Dakota, Wyoming, Colorado, and Washington DC. She can be contacted through her website, www.mariannepowers.com.

Doing the Right Thing and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
by Marianne Powers
Publication Date: November 2005. Price: $13.95 trade paperback; 89 pages.
ISBN: 1-58909-294-5

###

Books in Three Stores

Doing the Right Thing and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time by Marianne Powers, ISBN 1-58909-294-5, can be purchased at three stores in Albuquerque:

Hastings
4315 Wyoming NE
Albuquerque, NM 87111
in the Business Management section

Hastings
6100-F Coors Road NW
Albuquerque, NM 87120
in the Southwest Regional section
next to the coffee shop

New Mexico Books & More
bottom level next to JC Penney
Cottonwood Mall
straight to the back of the store, about eye level
no, they moved it, now it's on the left wall last bookcase toward the back on the second shelf from the bottom

Dan's Book

Here is a link to Dan Oestreich's book. In this Amazon beta test, about half of you will be able to see more information when you hold your cursor over the book:

I Didn't Mean to Start a Fight

I didn't mean to fight with the people in the store. All I wanted was trifold brochure paper, white, matte finish. There wasn't any. The little tag on the shelf said, "Temporarily Out of Stock, Place Order in This Store" or something like that. The little tag was there three days ago, too, when I was there last. On Monday, the salesperson said to wait a few days and it would probably be in, might be in already, just not put on the shelf yet. She showed three in stock. Now I was thinking that the inventory was in error and the item would never be reordered because the system showed three in stock and no sales. When the salesperson told me to wait a few days and it would probably be in, I told her I thought there was an inventory error, but her only offer then was to see if another store had it.

I'm sure she would have investigated and fixed the problem if she could. I suppose she didn't know how. She didn't know how to order the paper either. She called someone else over. This person said that "a number would help". I offered to go get the number off the shelf. She gave me a pen and paper. When I came back, she was doing something else and didn't seem to see me standing there. Another salesperson asked if she could help and I told her I wanted to order this paper that wasn't in stock and gave her the numbers. She spent 15 minutes on the phone arranging to get the paper from another store. Then she said it would be a few days because they would have to have it sent over UPS.

By then, I could see that this was going to cost them time and money that they would not be able to recoup on my little sale. I could see why they would be irritated with me for insisting on it, as they all seemed to be. But I was already mad by then, because my expectations had been set by the little tag that implied that they would care about my problem and fix it for me.

It would have been better if I had not put so much stock in the little tag and had listened to the people more carefully. They were trying to tell me something else entirely.

It is my problem that I get mad about little things like this and I promise that I am working on it, but I still appeal to all store owners and service managers everywhere. Please do not put up little tags, or signs of any kind, if the people don't believe in what they say.

ADDENDUM

It must have just been the full moon. On my trip back to pick up the paper, everyone was on their very best behavior -- gentle, caring, kind -- including me!

Hastings Books

I missed an opportunity to talk about my book last night at Southwest Writers. Goofy! But I made up for it today. I went to the NM Co-op luncheon to hear two Hastings store managers tell us how to get our books in their stores. When they said that we could come to the store and ask for our books to be taken on consignment, I said, "What about right now?" And so I turned over 10 books to each one to be sold on consignment! It might take until Friday for them to be stocked, but they will be available for purchase no later than Saturday. Here are the two locations:

Hastings
4315 Wyoming NE
Albuquerque, NM 87111

Hastings
6100-F Coors Road NW
Albuquerque, NM 87120

Books, in stores! It's a wonderful thing.

The two managers, Will Herrera from the Wyoming store and Denis Lefferts from the Coors store, also gave us wonderful information about book signings.

Book signings have these benefits:
sell books
get books in the store
get books in a good spot in the store
gain book recognition
gain author recognition
let the author meet their readers
help people

They said it's not just about selling books. It's about making the bookstore a fun place to be and keeping the customers happy and coming back.

An author should:
engage people
smile
make eye contact
say Hi
be helpful (even if they just want to know where the bathroom is)
make their day
give away something like bookmarks or chocolate
thank people for their time
have fun

I love it!

New Mexico Books & More

New Mexico Books & More opens this Sunday at Cottonwood Mall on the west side of Albuquerque, NM. My book will be there along with about 300 other New Mexico authors and publishers. We will be on the bottom floor next to JC Penney behind the carousel. Come see us!

Growing

When I decided to give that speech on Saturday, I was taking a risk. I didn't have time to practice because I had just finished the speech the night before so I knew it would not be smooth. And I had never talked about that feeling before. I didn't know if my audience would understand me or if they would think I was crazy! But I just kept reminding myself what I had heard the really good speakers say: "Just let the ideas come" and "Stop holding yourself back." I was even more worried when I got there, because the one person who I was sure would like it wasn't there (he likes everything strange and deep). But I believed it was important and I knew they would tell me if it was incomprehensible. So I put everything I had into it and something amazing happened. People that I admire said to me, "That was the best speech you've ever given. There was a fire inside you." "Congratulations on reaching a new level." As I thought about it the rest of the weekend, I felt like I was changing, growing inside. It was weird and not altogether comfortable, but very exciting. A new motto, "Be afraid, but do it anyway."

Star Stuff (Continued)

And there is another emotion that is very important. I haven’t been able to find its name. I’ll try to describe how it shows itself in our eyes, in which you can see the star stuff of which we are made.

When we look at a child or a puppy, our eyes twinkle. When we are amused, they sparkle. When we are in love, their light is diffuse and all encompassing. But there is another kind of light. It is the kind that comes from a star when it is creating the elements that we are made of. You can see it when someone is creating a new world, looking at things in a new way, seeing a vision of how things could be, and more than that, seeing how to get there. And if you see what they see, have that vision also, and join them in creating the new world, something happens when you look at each other. There is a highly energized light that flashes from their eyes into yours and goes straight through to the steely core inside of you and sets up a resonant vibration at the same time that it fills you with energy and light.

What is that? I don’t know it’s name. But I urge you to go and find it.

Star Stuff (Continued)

What have you seen in people’s eyes?

Happiness
Sadness
Love
Hate
Compassion
Prejudice
Courage
Fear
Understanding
Confusion

One of the World Champions of Public Speaking, David Brooks, gave a talk recently where he told us that there are only six emotions: happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, disgust anger. It struck me that there were only two positive emotions in the six. I wondered why he thought that and what other people thought.

I found out that most of the scientists that study emotions agree on those six, because physiological changes can be detected when people are experiencing them. I found references to them on the web from the University of Virginia and the University of Pittsburgh.

I started searching for other numbers of emotions. In all cases, these are “basic emotions”. Almost everyone agrees that there are hundreds of emotions, but most of them are considered to be secondary. For instance, some people say that anger comes from fear. I found the following:

Two emotions: love and fear – 1 out of 2 positive
(A Course in Miracles, Foundation for Inner Peace)

Three emotions: mad, sad, glad – 1 out of 3 positive
(Emotion cards for children, A Place of Our Own)

Four emotions: happiness, anger, fear, pain – 1 out of 4 positive
(Chemainus First Nation, a native tribe)

Five emotions: anger, boredom, happiness, neutral, sadness – 2/5
(Mandarin speech based emotion classification, Tatung University)

Six emotions: happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, disgust, anger – 2/6
(Emotions on which experts generally agree, University of Virginia)
(Universal emotions, University of Pittsburgh)
(David Brooks)

Seven emotions: joy, anger, melancholy, worry, grief, fear, fright – 1/7
(Traditional Chinese Medicine)

Eight emotions: anger, fear, pain, joy, passion, love, shame, guilt – 2/8
(The Meadows Treatment Center for trauma and addiction)

Nine emotions: joy, sadness, love, jealousy, hope, peace, fear, loneliness, jazbaat – 5/9
(Hindu music album, Nine Emotions, One Voice)

I also found a reference on a professor, Jonathan Haidt, at the University of Virginia who was trying to define a “new” emotion: elevation. The article describes it this way:

A warm or glowing feeling in the chest, tears welling up, perhaps even chills and a clenching of the throat. A desire to connect with the person you’ve been watching. A new inclination to participate in charitable activities. If you feel these things, chances are that you have just witnessed something uplifting and may be experiencing the unofficial emotion of “elevation.”

Star Stuff (Continued)

It's life that is the priceless part of us. So, I prefer another fact. We are composed of elements that are created in the insides of stars and then distributed around the universe in the stellar wind. As Carl Sagan said, “the iron in our blood, the calcium in our teeth, the carbon in our genes, were produced billions of years ago in the interior of a red giant star. We are star stuff.”

And you can see that star stuff in our eyes.

Star Stuff

The crew of the starship Enterprise was once insulted by a crystalline life form, who called humans "ugly bags of mostly water". They were obviously aware of the fact that we are made of about 65% water and about $2.00 worth of chemicals. Which makes us sound like we're not worth much. But that doesn't signify anything. Because a diamond is just some carbon squeezed really, really tight. Isn’t it? And that’s not a good analogy either. Because even though they say that diamonds have "fire" and "brilliance", not one has ever had a thought or written a book, at least as far as I know.

Treat Everyone the Same

Another person came by my table and looked at the book.

"What is the right thing?" she asked.

"Treating everyone the same and treating them well," I said.

"I'm glad you added that about treating them well," she joked.

"Yes, but I think I'd rather have treating them all the same even more than treating them well."

"Hmmm," she said. "It's about teamwork then, that's what everybody talks about."

"Yes," I said.

But when I thought about it later, it occurred to me that it's not about teamwork. It makes teamwork easy, yes, but it's not about that. It's about:

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
take care, tcb
a little respect
whoa, babe
a little respect
Aretha Franklin

and

COMPASSION
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
The Dalai Lama

It's Irrelevant

A browser at Page One came over to my table and looked at my book, whose cover says in big letters, "Doing the Right Thing".

"How do you know you're doing the right thing?" he asked.

"Because you're working together so that everybody wins, everybody comes out okay," I said.

"But what if people are just negative and hostile all the time?" he asked.

"That's irrelevant," I said.

"Irrelevant? That's irrelevant?" he repeated.

"Yes," I said.

Very profound and inscrutable of me. But it only caused him to shake his head and walk away. I wish I had said, "Yes, because it doesn't really matter what they are and what they do. What's important is what you are and what you do. My book can help you figure out what you can say and do to make your life and work more productive and happy, which will make people want to be around you and help you."

I guess I need more practice!

For Sophia

I'm sorry that I was so distracted and full of myself when I saw you. I've been thinking about what you said a lot since things calmed down. I should have let you finish telling me your story. I think you needed to tell it and I could have learned from hearing it. Even talking to you just a short while, I know that you care about people and I like that very much. Don't worry too much that you were misunderstood. People misunderstand each other a lot. Sometimes we never even know how different what others see and hear is from what we intended. You did the best you could at the time. I think you said you did some damage control. That's what you should do in a case like that. Things change and then things change again, you know. And learn that even though it seems ridiculous you have to be really, really clear about what you're thinking. There is some stuff in my book that might help you with that. I wish you well and look forward to seeing you again!

Yesterday

Yesterday was quite an interesting day that I am still recovering from. At 8:00 AM, I was at Weekenders Toastmasters and gave the speech about The Man Who Listened Well and seven Toastmasters asked to buy my book because, of course, I told them my speech was from the book. At 10:00 AM, I was at Southwest Writers handing over some copies to be sold at the meeting (as they do for all SWW member books). My wonderful writer friend Sue Mazzone (www.moodmovie.blogspot.com) graciously agreed to make the announcement about my book being published and available as I rushed off. At 10:30 AM, I was at Temple Albert to see my boss's daughter's Bat Mitzvah and have lunch with 160 of their guests. At 3:00 PM, I was at Page One Bookstore where they allow self-published authors to sell their books in the cafe. There I ran into David from SWW, who told me that Sue had done a wonderful job promoting my book and they sold five copies. At 6:30 PM, I was at dinner and sold another book to a friend that I hadn't seen in a long time who asked what I had been doing lately and who I was able to tell I had written a book!

The Man Who Listened Well (Continued)

When someone comes to see you, look up and smile. Smile so wide that it crinkles your eyes up a little. Believe that they might be coming to tell you something interesting and valuable. Invite them to sit in your most comfortable chair. Turn away from other distractions and give them your full attention. Make yourself still. Concentrate on what they are saying. Let them finish talking. Ask questions to see if you understand them exactly. Think for a moment. Show that you understand and agree by stating the thought in your own words and by your smile. Show that you understand but disagree by stating what you thought was right and where it went wrong and why. Be glad when people understand and agree to do it your way. Be glad when they decide to try it their way and succeed. The best gift, reward, incentive is listening.

The Man Who Listened Well (Continued)

Having him listen to me was a joyful and rewarding experience. I listened to him right back, as best I could, so that I could find more things that I could say that he would want to listen to. I wanted to discover the truth for him and tell it to him. I wanted to do good work for him so that I could report back and he would listen to me some more, because he would know exactly how valuable what I said and what I did was, he listened so well.

The way he listened may have been a natural talent that he had or one that he developed. I wish that you could meet him and experience it for yourself. But he lives far away and he is very busy. He can’t have the whole world traipsing through his office to see how he listens. I think he would be happy if he could see us trying it for ourselves. What he did was really very simple, something that we could all do.

The Man Who Listened Well (Continued)

If he agreed with what I said, he would say so and smile at me. Then he would say what I had said again, with something of his own added -- a slightly different slant, a story to illustrate. We would both smile at each other and sit there for a minute, smiling. To be understood and appreciated is a very great thing.

If he disagreed with what I said, he would say so and explain, touching on the parts that he thought were right and saying at what point he thought it was wrong and why. He would take me with him every step of the way from where I was to where he was. So we still understood each other, even if we didn’t agree. Sometimes this was even better, as we always took some action and so found out who was closer to the truth. And he was always just as pleased when I was right as he was when he was right, because getting the job done was the important thing, not how we got there.

The Man Who Listened Well (Continued)

When I started speaking, he would look up again and watch me intently. He would listen the whole time I was talking. When I stopped talking, he would repeat it back to me. He would say it the way I meant it, checking with me to see if he had it exactly, not changing it or turning it into something else. “Hmmm,” he would say, “I see what you mean.” He would think about it silently then.

At this point, I would never know if he agreed with me or not, because he always did this first. He didn’t reject anything out of hand – he tried it on, walked around in it, felt of it, and looked it all over, before he decided.

The Man Who Listened Well

I was a consultant who came to do some work for his company. He was a doctor, the head of a clinic, and very busy. But whenever I went to talk to him, he would stop whatever he was doing. He would see me and smile, a smile that was in his eyes as well. As if of all the people in the world he was most glad to see me standing there. Without saying a word, he would motion for me to have a seat in his most comfortable chair, and turn his chair to face me. Then he would smile again, that smile, bow his head, and wait for me to speak, with the fingertips of his hands pressed together in front of him, absolutely still.