DOING
THE RIGHT THING
AND ACHIEVING
ALL YOUR GOALS
AT THE SAME TIME
Workshop & Book about:
People Who Work in Offices,
Why We Fight,
How We Can Stop Fighting,
Solve Our Problems,
and Get Back to Work
21 Perspectives
Anybody Can Use
to Resolve Conflicts
and Create Better Relationships
with People at Work
THE PROBLEM
In an office, conflicts take up employees’ and managers’ time and energy, destroy morale, and interfere with efficiency, productivity, and just getting the job done and enjoying the work.
THE SOLUTION
People can resolve conflicts, solve problems, achieve all their goals, and have good relationships with the people around them just by changing the way they look at things.
KNOWING
We all respond to other people based on what we believe about ourselves and about them. To change what is not working for us, what is making us miserable and getting in the way of our goals, we have to change what we believe. Then everything we do and everything we say changes automatically. See if you can believe these seven premises.
LISTENING
To do the right thing and achieve all your goals, you need lots of information. Here are seven techniques for getting the information you need.
SPEAKING
Now it’s your turn. You’ve thought about what you believe. You’ve listened and gathered information. When you speak now, tell the truth, do the right thing, and keep your goals in mind. Here are seven tips for communicating clearly.
KNOWING
1. People Are What They Are And It’s Irrelevant Anyway
People are many things. One-word labels can’t describe them. Anyway, to achieve all your goals together, you don’t need people to be something, you need them to do something.
2. We Don’t Know What Other People Are Capable of Achieving
People know themselves best -- what they can do, what they are willing to try to do. Ask them.
3. People Are Not Accountable for Their Thoughts and Feelings
Thoughts and feelings are not choices we make. Think and feel whatever comes into your head, whatever comes into your heart. Allow others to do the same.
4. We Don’t Know What Other People Are Thinking and Feeling
Guessing what other people are thinking and feeling is not very accurate. Even if you’re right, you need to ask to start a discussion.
5. People are Accountable for Their Words and Actions
What you say and do, what other people say and do, are choices that you make, that they make. Words and actions invite and will get a reaction.
6. Everyone is Doing the Best They Can
People aren’t perfect. Neither are you. Don’t make people feel bad for not being perfect. Or yourself either.
7. Everyone Has a Good Reason for What They Say and Do
People will want to work with you if you assume they say and do things for good reasons, even if you don’t agree with the reasons. If you don’t, they won’t.
LISTENING
8. Listen Very Carefully
If you listen so well that people feel rewarded by talking to you, they will want to tell you what you need to know. Even when they don’t, you will know by what is happening all around you.
9. Welcome Information -- Criticism is Information
It takes a lot of information to achieve your goals. You can’t fix something if you don’t know about it. Accept all information, however it is presented.
10. If You Have a Choice, Don’t Choose to Be Hurt
Know who you are. Then it doesn’t hurt for people to call you something else. It would be good to find out why they are trying to hurt you though.
11. Examine Your Motives
There are two reasons why people do things, the public reason and the real reason. Know what your reasons are. Make sure they are both good.
12. Targeting Problems is Good, Targeting People is Evil
Whatever plan you come up with to resolve a problem must not require someone else’s destruction. A good plan allows everyone to come out all right.
13. If You Want Someone to Do Something for You, You Have to be Completely on Their Side
People don’t like to do things for their enemies, even if it’s their job. They do it begrudgingly and badly if at all. You have to be on their side.
14. When People Don’t Understand, Listen Better
When people don’t understand you, it’s because you have not connected with them. Start over at the beginning. The beginning is always listening.
SPEAKING
15. State Your Position Clearly and Ask for What You Want Specifically
Explain yourself. Explain what you are trying to do and what you want from other people. It is not as obvious as you think.
16. Tell Them Even If You Know They Won’t Understand
Tell people what you want and why you want it. If you don’t tell them, they might think you are hiding something. Are you?
17. All You Can Do is Tell Them, You Can’t Make Anyone Do Anything
People do things because they want to. They will fight you if you try to make them. You must convince them instead.
18. When People Don’t Meet Your Expectations, Change Your Expectations
Your expectations may be impossible or people may choose not to meet them. When what you expect doesn’t happen, make a new plan.
19. Give Them 100 Tries to Get It Right
If people are punished for asking again, they won’t ask. But they may fake knowing something. Tell them as many times as they need to hear it, every time just like the first time.
20. If They Can’t Get It in 100 Tries, There Must Be Something Wrong with the Procedure
Procedures are designed to serve people, not the other way around. Procedures should be designed to make it easier to do things right. Change the ones that make it easier to do things wrong.
21. Teach Everyone to Do Everything
If everyone knows what everyone else needs, they can be that many minds, eyes, ears, and hands making sure that those things get to them.
Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals
at the Same Time
is a book written by and
a workshop developed by
Marianne Powers
To purchase books or find out when a workshop is scheduled, contact her at:
Marianne Powers
1413 33rd Circle SE
Rio Rancho, NM 87124
(505) 892-4990
marianne@mariannepowers.com
www.mariannepowers.com
Millie
