Don't Make Them Read Your Mind

People will give you what you want if they understand and share your goals. Don’t make them read your mind.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

They Need To Tell You What They Know

The other non-workable part of my old style is that everyone that will be affected by the plan needs to have a hand in it. Your plan incorporates everything you can think of, but other people almost always have some piece of information that you don’t have (especially the people who are actually doing the work) or a different way of looking at things. And then there is the situation I hate most, when the defect you just fixed needed to be there because it was preventing something even worse from happening! Of course, everybody but you already knew this.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Hastings Tramway & Candelaria, Friday, August 21

Book Signing
Friday, August 21, 2009
5:30 PM to 9:30 PM

Hastings
12501 Candelaria Road NE
Albuquerque, NM 87111
(505) 332-8855

Local Authors!

David Corwell
Cloaked in Shadow
Dark Tales of Elves

Lela Belle Wolfert
Wishes in the Wind

Marianne Powers
Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time


Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

What You Want is Not Obvious

You can’t expect people to just understand you without explanation. People will do the same job differently, even if it is meticulously defined and published in the job description manual for everyone to see. No one can know what you will do just because they know what your job is. You probably have a different agenda from the last person who had the job. The way you see your job is different from the way those that report to you see it and the way your boss sees it. People really have no way to know where you stand unless you tell them. What you want is usually not obvious to other people. Even when it is, the confirmation that what they think you want is actually what you want allows them to give up the time-consuming and stressful task of trying to read someone else’s mind.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

They Have to Know Why

It only took about 20 years for me to figure out why my way didn’t work and how to get what I wanted. What I needed to learn was that most people want and need to know what you want and why you want it. This is good, actually. It means that they don’t do extra work or non-productive work just because someone told them to sometime in the past. It means they get appreciation for what they do, instead of spending time and energy on things that nobody cares about. It means that they understand why something is necessary and how it will affect them. For the good of the group, people will even (sometimes) do something that is going to have an adverse impact on them personally. But, they sure don’t like it when someone tricks or leads them blindly into it.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

You Can't Assume They'll Agree

I used to believe that the people I was working with were pretty much on the same page as I was. Even if we hadn’t talked about an idea before, they would know immediately where I was coming from and agree with me once I told them about it. I was sure the same things that made it seem good to me would make it seem good to them. When I became a manager, I knew that people would do what I told them to do without question. We all knew what the facts were, and I was the one being paid to do the thinking and make the decisions.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Talk to People Daily

Now you know who you need to talk to (if anyone). Sometimes, you need to talk to the boss or the team about the goals themselves or the means you have chosen to reach them. Please note that you will save everyone much agony if you readily admit to and give up things that don’t work (even if it did seem like the most brilliant idea you ever had at the time). If it was someone else’s idea (and you want them to continue to share their ideas in the future), remember that it doesn’t mean it was a bad idea and you don’t need to get them to admit that. The only relevant fact is that it didn’t work and you need to try something else. Sometimes, everything is on track and you just need to get to work.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

State Your Position, Ask for What You Want

You are the only one who knows where you stand and what you want. Well, hopefully you know. That’s the first step. Even when you are working alone, but especially before you try to work with anyone else, you need to decide where you are and where you are going – every day is good. Looking at the situation truthfully and objectively, remember what your goals are and the goals of the groups you belong to. Evaluate whether you still think they are achievable and desirable. See if they are still compatible. Determine how far along you are in achieving them. Review what you need to do yourself and what you need help with, what kind of help, and from whom.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Speaking

Now it's your turn. You’ve thought about what you believe. You’ve listened and gathered information. When you speak now, tell the truth, do the right thing, and keep your goals in mind:

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Explain Well and Listen Even Better

The best way to be understood is to explain well and listen even better.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Explain Yourself

It seems to me that every time I started at the beginning and explained myself in logical steps, going from one idea to an associated one and then on to the next one, people have understood me. In fact, they could often see where I was going and agreed with me before I even told them my conclusion.

But when I told people my conclusion first, they often misunderstood me. In fact, there have been times when people thought I was agreeing with them, when, as far as I could tell, they were saying the exact opposite of what I was saying. That is, if I understood them, because they certainly didn’t understand me!

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Sometimes They Understand Us Very Well

Sometimes when people don’t understand you, it’s your motives they don’t understand and not what you’re trying to do. Then, it really helps to be able to explain every step that got you from where you were to where you are. It makes you think about whether each step is logical and the best choice. It shows the other person that, too. Of course, there might be times when you, like me, have to abandon a course of action, because this kind of scrutiny reveals that there really is a hidden agenda. Sometimes, we say that people don’t understand us when, in fact, they understand us very well. We just haven’t admitted our real motives to ourselves.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Step by Step

Besides, if you tell someone your conclusion first and they like it, they might agree without even thinking about it. Then you won’t get the benefit of their judgment, ideas, or suggestions. That might turn out to be a mistake. And, if you tell someone your conclusion first and they don’t like it – because it costs money or requires them to change or do something else unpleasant, you will have a difficult time convincing them that it is something they should do. In fact, they will probably fight you on every point you try to make, because they know agreeing to any part of it will help take them where they don’t want to go. If you take them, step by step, from where they are to the same conclusion, they will have already examined the other possibilities and the consequences of not acting. It will not be such a shock. It will seem like the best alternative.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Getting Right to the Point is Not More Efficient

It may seem more efficient to just get to the point, to tell them your conclusion. But that’s not the way you got there. Even if you didn’t consciously think the thing through, step by step, something happened in your head that took the disconnected pieces of information you had, identified the problems, chose a goal, and used everything you’ve ever learned and everything you’ve ever experienced to come up with the best idea. Probably it wasn’t as linear as step by step. Probably, different possibilities swirled around in your head and were rejected because of various flaws before this one coalesced. So, if you let the other person go through the same process and they come to the same conclusion, you won’t have to explain anything. It just might take a while. Or, you can show them the path you took that got you to your goal so they don’t have to go down every trail, like you did, to see if it’s the right one.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Be Willing to Change

It is also very important for you to be willing to change your mind based on what the other person says. “You’re not listening” is the same as something else I was once told: “I got the feeling that it didn’t matter what I said, you were so set on your plan that nothing I said could change your mind in the least way.” Of course, the other really good reason why you have to be willing to change your mind based on what the other person says is that they really might have a better idea!

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Take Them with You

When you have established a starting point that you agree on, you need to take them with you to the next logical step, explaining and listening very carefully to whether they understand and agree that this is the best choice. And you have to be willing to listen if they disagree. If you don’t listen to and answer their concerns as they come up, they will not be able to get past that point. You might rave on, but they will be thinking about that point that was not complete for them. At least, you have to agree to disagree or make that point a condition of agreement. You might say, “If we can get the customer to buy the new version, there is a new option that does this.”

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Listen Very Carefully

Once you have the right time and setting, you need to say where you are starting from (the things you and the other person both already know). When you do this, you need to listen very carefully to the other person. Maybe they don’t know what you think they know. Maybe they have forgotten. Maybe they hadn’t said anything before, but they actually wanted to review that with you because they really didn’t agree or had since thought of something that changed their opinion.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Hastings Rio Rancho

Book Signing
Friday, August 7, 2009
4:00 PM to 9:00 PM

Hastings Rio Rancho
1630 Rio Rancho Drive SE
505-892-3837


Local Authors!

David Corwell
Cloaked in Shadow
Dark Tales of Elves

Lela Belle Wolfert
Wishes in the Wind

Marianne Powers
Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time




Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Find a Time and Setting to Pay Attention

If you really want to be understood, the first thing you have to do is find a time and setting when both you and the other person can pay attention to each other. Maybe you can just walk over to their work area. But if their work area is the front desk or the front counter or the reception area, their attention rightfully belongs on the customer. They can’t give it to you. If they work where they have to take customer calls as they come in, even if they’re not on a call at the moment, they are listening for the phone, not to you. Even if they’re not on the front lines, they might have a deadline or a meeting or appointment to go to. You have to tell them how much time you think you need to talk to them and ask them if they can give it to you. Then you have to listen to the answer and be willing to change your plans accordingly.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Start with What You Have

The easiest way for someone to understand what you are telling them is for you to start from whatever understanding you have with them already and not lose them or get lost along the way. Assume nothing! They might not know who you are even if you know who they are. They might not remember your name or who you work for (unless they’re your coworkers, of course). Even if they work with you every day, they absolutely don’t know what’s on your mind or why you’re interested in it. They might not know even if “everybody knows” -- they might not have read your e-mail or heard what’s been going on at the water cooler. They surely haven’t been thinking about it all day like you have. They’re probably in the middle of something else entirely.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

It Doesn't Matter How Well You Know Them

It doesn’t seem to matter, either, how well you know the other person or if you have worked together before. Maybe, it’s even more likely that you will have a misunderstanding with someone you know, because you make so many assumptions about what they are thinking or how they will feel about what you want to do. One of the worst misunderstandings I was ever involved in was with someone I really liked, whom I thought I understood very well, and whom I had worked with very closely and very successfully in the past. I didn’t even ask him what he thought about my goals and my plan for accomplishing them. I was sure I knew what he thought. I didn’t tell him what I wanted from him. I was sure he knew what I wanted. It was quite a surprise to me when he cancelled the whole project!

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

It Seems Like You Have Already Made Up Your Mind

It is worse than just being at an earlier stage than you thought, though. The whole process has been negatively impacted, because it may seem to the other person that you have already made up your mind that you want to do this and how you want to do it. They no longer believe that you have an open mind and are willing to listen to their point of view. When you have to go back like that, there are more obstacles to overcome than there would have been otherwise.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Misunderstandings Are Counterproductive

Besides being tedious and time-consuming, misunderstandings can be very counterproductive as well. You may have already started building a bond with someone, a foundation for working together, and have to give it up because you find out they weren’t really agreeing with you. They just didn’t understand you. Instead of having agreed on the method and being ready to get to work, you might be back on discussing the possible methods. Or, instead of being ready to discuss the possible methods, you might be back on determining whether they really want to do this.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Misunderstanding Are Difficult to Get Out Of

Once you get into a misunderstanding with someone, it’s very difficult to get out of it. You find yourself on uncertain ground. You don’t know where you got off solid ground. You could strike off in another direction to see if understanding is close to where you are now. Most likely you will have to turn around and go back, possibly through a whole series of misunderstandings, until you get to the place where you understood each other. Maybe that was back where you said, “Hello, my name is . . .”

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

When People Don't Understand, Listen Better

When people don’t understand you, it’s because you don’t understand them. If you had really known what they were saying, your statements would have responded to theirs (even if you disagreed) and would have made sense to them. Maybe you started making assumptions about what they were thinking or feeling and responded to that instead of what they were saying. Maybe what they said didn’t make sense to you, so you just said what you wanted to say without trying to understand them first. Maybe something else was going on. But whatever was going on, when people don’t understand you, it’s because you’re not listening.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com