We Are All Accountable

We are all accountable to each other for our words and actions.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

A Conscious Choice

Either way is better than responding in anger. Even if they were trying to piss me off, that doesn’t mean that my responding in kind is right or helps me achieve my goals. I still need to choose what I say and what I do. And, even if I choose to fight, that needs to be my conscious choice, not my knee-jerk reaction!

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

It's Not About Me

Alternatively, I might decide it’s not really about me (most of the time it’s not about me, I find when I look at it calmly). If I just keep repeating that to myself, I can usually keep myself from responding in anger. Then I don’t need an explanation, I can just ask for what I want instead of fighting. I might say, “I need a few more days to get that done,” or “I can get that done today if someone from your department can give me a hand.”

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

What You Said, How I Feel

Usually, if I don’t strike back right away and just listen instead, people will explain themselves. Many times, it will turn out that the insult I perceived was not intended (or maybe they heard how they sounded, too, and decided to change it). If not, I can get them to explain by telling them what I heard and maybe how it made me feel. I might say, “When you asked me if that was done yet, you sounded impatient, as if I should have had it done already. That makes me feel like you are saying I am being lazy.” If they agree that’s what they were saying, we could have an interesting conversation about that! But, if that is not what they meant, they could explain their impatience, I could explain when I can get the job done, and we can come up with a new plan if necessary.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

I Make Myself Angry

I used to think that other people made me angry. Now I know that I make myself angry because I hear their words or see their actions, interpret them as hostile to me, and leap to my own defense, usually with an attack of my own. I used to say, “I couldn’t help it, she pissed me off!” Now I know that I have a choice. I really haven’t changed, I am still who I was, and I still have the same internal reaction to the same stimulus, but now I know I can chose what I say and what I do in response to it. Now I know that no good will come of it if I speak while I am still angry. Now I know that I have to take the time, maybe just a moment, to figure out where I want this to go and how to get it there.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Even When Provoked

Even when we are responding to someone else, we need to make sure that our words and actions help us achieve our goals. We are still responsible for what we say and do even when “provoked”.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Accomplices

Sometimes, what people say and do is unacceptable because it hurts someone else. It is our right and responsibility to say so and set ourselves apart from that person if they persist. Sometimes, what people say and do is unacceptable to people in general -- otherwise known as illegal – and they are set apart in a formal way. If we do not speak up or do anything when we see someone else say or do something that hurts someone, we are accomplices to it.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Ask Why

One time, I walked into a room and several people were talking about a coworker. “She’s really mad about something!” they said. “How do you know?” I asked. “Because she just flounced in here and slammed the charts down on the counter!” one of them said. “Did you ask her why she did that?” I questioned. “Nooo!” she said. “I think you should have asked her,” I said, “It seems to me like she was begging for you to ask her!”

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

They Are Accountable

Other people are also accountable to us and to everyone else for what they say and do. We have the right and the responsibility to question them, tell them when we think they are wrong, and support them when we think they are right. The thought, “What did they mean by that?” should almost always be followed by the question, “What do you mean?” When people say they are going to do something, they invite questions about how they are going to get it done. When people say they are not going to do something, they invite questions about why. When people praise us, they owe us the specifics of what they thought was good. When people insult us, they owe us the specifics of what they thought was bad. When people do things, they should expect us to check on them to make sure what they are doing is consistent with their stated goals. If they are not, they should expect us to say so. When people do odd things, they definitely owe us an explanation. We can’t make anyone do these things, of course, but we can ask and make choices based on the answer or even based on no answer.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

We Are Accountable

We are accountable for what we say and do. At the beginning of a relationship, a job, a project, we need to explain what we are trying to do and why. We need to explain again when we say or do things that seem contrary to our stated goals. Hopefully, people will point out our inconsistency if we say one thing and do another, and question us if we say, for instance, that we believe in them as a group but we belittle some of the individuals in it. People help us by holding us accountable when we get tired or forget or don’t realize that we’re not doing what we said. Based on what we say and do, people make choices about helping or fighting us, being with us or leaving us.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Choices About What We Say and Do

If we want to do the right thing and accomplish all our goals, we need to really think about the choices that we make, what we say and do. What we say and do affects other people. With our words and actions, we can help or hurt, inspire or discourage, anger or bring happiness, and everything in between. We need to choose our words and actions with care for their effect. We also need to pay attention to what other people say and do and make choices based on those things.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

People Are Accountable for Their Words and Actions

When we want or need to communicate with the world outside of ourselves, we have to speak, write, sign, or act. Although we sometimes say we “have to” say or do something, what we say and do are really choices we make. We choose to say or do something and also to whom, what, where, when, and how. When we choose to communicate with other people, we are accountable to them for our words and actions, not because we have to get their permission, but because they will react to us.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Clear Light Books, Saturday, March 21

Celebrate a Day for Literacy Help raise funds for LVSF
Storytelling, Poetry Readings, Talks, Raffles and Sales throughout the day.

Saturday, March 21
10am - 4pm

Clear Light Book Gallery
www.clearlightbooks.com/events
851 West San Mateo St. and Calle Lorca
(Formerly Open Hands)

Christine Benes, Master of Ceremonies
10:10 David Holmstrom, LVSF Tutor
10:20 Bruce Besser, SFCC Board Member
10:30 David Coss, Mayor of Santa Fe
10:40 Don Usner, Historian
11:00 Joe Hayes, Storyteller
11:50 Mitch Mitchell, LVSF Tutor
12:00 Consuelo Luz, Singer, Activist
12:30 Ali MacGraw, Actor, Community Activist
12:45 Jim Terr, Author, Singer, Activist

Letty Naranjo Master of Ceremonies LVSF
1:00 Heather Heunermund, NM Coalition for Literacy
1:10 Steve McFadden, Storyteller
1:40 Denise Kussel, Author, Journalist
2:00 Victor di Suvero, Publisher, Poet
2:20 Rose' Cohen, Poet
2:40 Ron Duncan-Hart, Publisher, Anthropologist
3:10 Jan Marquart, Author

Over 25 New Mexico authors and publishers autographing their books
Azro Press, Antoinette Claypoole, Clear Light Publishing, Paulle Clark, Rose' Cohen, David Corwell, Victor di Suvero, Gaon Books, Ron Duncan- Hart, Joe Hayes, March Heller, Marcia Keegan, Denise Kussel, Consuelo Luz, Susan McDuffie, Steve McFadden, Karl Kregor, Barbara Mayfield, Jonathan Miller, Yolanda Nava, Elaine Pinkerton, Nancy Poes , Dolores Pong, Marianne Powers, Sabra Steinsiek, Jim Terr, Jean Eva Thumm, Don Usner, Bernadette Vadurro, LelaBelle Wolfert




Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

If You Are Willing to Listen

You don’t know what other people are thinking and feeling, you have to ask if you want to know. Every once in a while, you might be able to guess what people are thinking and feeling, but it won’t make any difference. You still have to ask, to be certain that you have guessed correctly, and, more importantly, to be able to talk to them about it, if they are willing to talk and if you are willing to listen.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

If You Don't Want to Know, Don't Ask

On the other hand, if you don’t want to know what someone thinks, don’t ask. People are accountable for their words and actions, not their thoughts and feelings. They don’t have to tell you everything they think and feel. If nothing they say will change your mind and it will make them mad because you don’t care what they say (probably!), don’t ask. Hopefully, these are not people on your team, because you should care what people on your team think, unless you were planning on doing this all by yourself, maybe? If you suspect someone is not 100 percent behind your plan and it will just irritate you if they confirm that, don’t ask. If a decision has been made and they are doing their part, they don’t have to pledge allegiance every day. Before you get started, it is in your best interest to let everyone tell you what their reservations are and what options they think would be better. You need that input to make sure you haven’t overlooked something important. But everybody doesn’t have to agree 100 percent for a course of action to be taken. If 100 percent agreement were required from all parties, no plan would ever be implemented. If the plan is a good one, they will probably be convinced eventually. If it isn’t, you’ll need them. even more than those who agreed with you, to help you find a better idea!

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Hastings Santa Fe, Friday, March 13

Book Signing
Friday, March 13, 2009
5:00 PM to 9:00 PM

Hastings
542 North Guadalupe
Santa Fe NM, 87501
(505) 988-3973


Local Authors!

Kathleen Medina
Born into Greyworld

Lela Belle Wolfert
Wishes in the Wind

David Corwell
Cloaked in Shadow
Dark Tales of Elves

Marianne Powers
Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time


Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

If You Want to Know, Ask

It turns out that the best thing to do is to ask, even when you are certain that you know, what other people are thinking and feeling. They will probably explain. You might be surprised to find out how wrong you were and be convinced to change your approach. If the explanation is lame, they will know it as well as you do. Usually, people won’t use a lame explanation more than once, if you just let them off the hook this one time! It is not important to get them to admit that they don’t have a good reason for what they are doing. What’s important is to do the right thing and accomplish all your goals. You have to ask for what you want and find out if they will help you. If they will, it doesn’t matter that they had a lapse in perfection. If they won’t, it still doesn’t matter. It just means you need to find help elsewhere. If their job is to deliver what you are asking for, you might have to let them go and hire someone else, but there’s still no reason to get mad at them, and getting mad at them won’t help.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Even If You Guess Correctly

Of course, sometimes it is true that you have guessed what someone else is thinking or feeling. And sometimes you might have even caught them being selfish or lazy or whatever. But you can never know when that has actually happened and, anyway, then what? You could accuse them of acting badly and watch them squirm, maybe. More likely, they would point out your failure to achieve perfection yourself. But what’s the goal? If the goal is to do the right thing and get the job done, then you need to make it as easy as possible for them to help you with that. Making them feel bad just gets in the way. Fighting with them makes it almost impossible.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Really Not the Same

Then there are the times when the situation is really not the same, even when the same people are involved, it just appears to be.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Nothing Looks the Same

I don’t know how much difference there is between human beings when they are first born, except physically, but what we like and don’t like, want and don’t want, need and don’t need, fear and don’t fear, sure seems to diverge as we go through life. And each of us is on a unique journey, different from everyone else’s. Nothing looks exactly the same to anyone else and we can’t know exactly how anyone else thinks or feels about anything.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

We React Differently

When you try to deduce what other people are thinking or feeling from what someone said they were thinking or feeling in that situation, you make the assumption that different people react the same way in the same situation. Sometimes that’s true, but often people’s reactions differ in the extreme.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Could Be Trouble

My husband might buy me a present on my birthday. He would be right in thinking that I would like to get a present because he likes to get presents on his birthday. But, then again, if he buys me a cordless drill because he likes cordless drills, he’s gonna be in trouble!

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

We Are All Different

When you try to deduce what other people are thinking or feeling from what you would think or feel in that situation, you make the assumption that everyone is basically the same. Maybe that’s right, basically. You use that reasoning when you decide how to treat other people. The Golden Rule is “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s a pretty good rule. But, it’s better applied in a general way. Inasmuch as we are all human beings, we are all basically the same. Inasmuch as we are all individuals, we are all very different.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Finding Out

If you really want to know what someone else is thinking or feeling, you have to ask them. Even then, they might not tell you. Maybe they don’t know themselves. Maybe they don’t know how to put it into words. Maybe they don’t want you to know. But that’s the only way you have a chance of finding out what someone else is thinking or feeling.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

We Don't Know What Other People are Thinking and Feeling

We often talk as if we know what other people are thinking: “He thinks he’s better than everybody else,” “She thinks I’m trying to make her look bad,” but we don’t. What we are really saying is: “If I were acting like that, it would be because I was thinking I was better than everyone else,” or “The last time someone acted like that, they said they were mad at me because I was trying to make them look bad.” We don’t know what other people are thinking. We know what we would think in that situation. We know what other people have said they were thinking in the past. It is not the same.

Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Page One Bookstore, Saturday, March 7

The first Saturday of the month!

That's when Page One Bookstore hosts their local author book fair in the Brew Moon Cafe from 3:00 to 5:00 PM.

Page One is at the corner of Montgomery and Juan Tabo in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

I'll see you there!

Doing the Right Thingand Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com

Hastings Fair Plaza, Friday, March 6

Book Signing
Friday, March 6
5:30 PM to 9:30 PM

Hastings Fair Plaza
6001-R Lomas Boulevard NE
(Lomas and San Pedro)
Albuquerque, NM 87110
505-266-1363

Local Authors!

David Corwell
Cloaked in Shadow
Dark Tales of Elves

Marianne Powers
Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time

Lela Belle Wolfert
Wishes in the Wind



Doing the Right Thing
and Achieving All Your Goals at the Same Time
www.mariannepowers.com