Interesting People

I used to be shy, but really it was a weird kind of snobbishness. I wanted to say clever things, to be admired for my wit and charm. But I couldn't think of anything clever to say, so I didn't say anything most of the time. Every once in a while I would blurt out something, which never came out the way I intended. I think it takes practice. The people who were like me and might have forgiven my awkwardness, I was afraid might be boring or weird (like me). I didn't want to be associated with them in front of the cool people.

Eventually I observed that truly cool people talk to everyone, bring out the best in other people, and always find something interesting in them. So, I am not shy anymore. I am still awkward and not clever enough, but I know the really cool people won't care about that and that there are not just a few interesting people in the world, there are about 6.5 billion.

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Fossils and Other Treasures

I used to live in Placitas, New Mexico, which is in the foothills of the Sandia Mountains. The Sandias are mostly granite but are topped by a layer of limestone from the time when New Mexico was covered by an ocean. I used to go rock collecting around my property and found many interesting ones. But I never found a fossil or even knew they were there. Maybe I didn't find any fossils because I didn't know they were there. A visitor walked with me a few feet from my front door and stooped down to pick a rock, saying, "Look, a fossil." I could hardly believe it. But she saw many. There were there all the time.

That is what awareness does. It lets you see the things that are there, whether you expect to see them or not. Like you can see the beautiful and valuable characteristics of people, not so rare as you might think, if you are paying attention.

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It's There

With open eyes and an open mind, with awareness, with willingness to believe, life has more light, more color, more action!

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Mirror

People are what you believe they are, at least as far as you are concerned. Believe they are something wonderful. Let them see that in your eyes.

It's important that someone celebrate our existence... People are the only mirror we have to see ourselves in. The domain of all meaning. All virtue, all evil, are contained only in people. There is none in the universe at large. Solitary confinement is a punishment in every human culture.
--Lois McMaster Bujold, "Mirror Dance", 1994

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Seeing and Believing

It is not enough to open your eyes, your mind must be open also. Awareness means seeing everything, not blocking what seems to be unimportant. It also means being willing to believe everything. I don't mean that you should be gullible or naive. Just that you should be willing to believe what you see, ready for things to be different than they have always been, open to and maybe even hoping that people will surprise you.

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Seeing More

If you consciously start to pay attention to who and what is around you, you start noticing things that you haven't noticed in a long, long time. Carlos Castenadas says that when we are babies, we see everything. We see shadows and they are as real to us as the leaves that cast them. As we grow up, we learn to differentiate what is "important" or "real" from these other things. We learn to ignore the shadows, and more and more things become shadows to us. In the end, we can drive down a highway and only see the road in front of us and not the mountains that we are passing through or the sky above us. But if you pay attention, you can start to see everything again.

And the best part is that as you look around with your all-seeing eyes, every once in a while, you will look into the eyes of another person who is also seeing everything.

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Paying Attention

If you are pumping gas at a gas station, they say to pay attention to who is around you and what they are doing to avoid having something snatched from your car. If you are parking at the mall, they say to pay attention to who is around you and what they are doing to avoid being carjacked. If you are walking down the street, they say to pay attention to who is around you and what they are doing to avoid being mugged.

In all situations that might be dangerous, pay attention to who is around you and what they are doing. And in situations that might be an opportunity for you, pay attention to who is around you and what they are doing!

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The Best Defense

We already know everything we need to know, but we don't use it. Too much of what we know is contradictory. But people's actions are more consistent. We are usually defensive, whether an offense was intended or not. As if we have been hit too many times. If we have been hit too many times, is it because life is dangerous? Or is it because we aren't paying attention and people and events keep surprising us?

The best defense is not a good offense, it's awareness.

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Everybody Is Not Always Right

Some things that we have learned to do, that everybody does, that seem like they must be part of our human nature, are not helpful or conducive to our happiness.

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Safe

In order to function, we have to believe that we are smart enough, informed enough, skilled enough to make the right decisions for our survival. So, we are tough to convince to change our ways. We won't easily give up on what got us here, and it's hard to separate what's really working from what is making things more difficult than they need to be. In the end, though, nothing in life is totally safe. It's better to be at risk doing the right thing than otherwise. And there is inherent strength and safety in it just because it is the right thing.

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Reachable

Another important thing to believe about people is that they are reachable. People will seem intractable right up until the moment that they change their minds. If you keep believing in them and in yourself, it will be easy for them to come over to your side. Be ready for that. If you insult them, they will never be able to agree with you.

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Teachable

We have a computer support person that comes in once a week at my office. He seems like one of the most intelligent support people I have ever met. He listens really well. He suggests a course of action but doesn't proceed until I agree. He answers my questions. He uses language that I understand. He treats me like an equal. He acts as if he believes that I might be able to teach him something as well as being willing to teach me what he knows. You see how smart he is!?!

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Curiosity

Curiosity makes life interesting. But more than that, curiosity helps us do the right thing and achieve all our goals. When we think that we already know what other people are thinking and feeling, why they do what they do, we isolate ourselves in two ways. First, we don't give people the chance to surprise us and teach us something we need to know. Second, we kill the conversation that we might have had with them. Whether we correctly guess what other people are thinking and feeling or not, it is still better to be curious, to ask, because then we can talk about what they really feel, which might not be what we think, and we have an opportunity to influence or be influenced by them, share information, and create a connection.

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Happy New Year

In reading a little history, it appears that New Year's used to be in the spring, when everything was new. But it was changed to January 1 several centuries ago, perhaps because we need a celebration more now in the middle of winter!

Here's to the bright New Year
And a fond farewell to the old;
Here's to the things that are yet to come
And to the memories that we hold.
-- Traditional New Year's Toast

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