Looking at Different Parts
I saw my friend and fellow Toastmaster Miz last night and she gave me a clue. She said, "I didn't say you were a wimp, I said you caved." Then, after sleeping on it, I knew what had happened. We were looking at different parts.
I was thinking of the part where I told the other person that she was bugging me. I was clear and direct and sympathetic. I did that all right. To me, that was the important part. To tell someone if they are bothering you so that it doesn't become a bigger problem.
But I remember now that I did not do well on the next part. When the other person acted as if she was hurt, I wanted to make her feel better. Which is not a bad thing, but the way I did it was. It felt to me like she was acting as a child would. So, I treated her like I would treat a child, which was not the right role for me to be playing and probably not even how a parent should treat a child who is acting like that. I told her I would do something for her in return. When that didn't work, I offered to buy her something!
That hasn't happened to me in real life. People have usually taken what I say the way I intended it. Occasionally, they have gotten angry initially and I have done well with that. But I obviously need to work on this possibility, because someday someone really might react like that!
I was thinking of the part where I told the other person that she was bugging me. I was clear and direct and sympathetic. I did that all right. To me, that was the important part. To tell someone if they are bothering you so that it doesn't become a bigger problem.
But I remember now that I did not do well on the next part. When the other person acted as if she was hurt, I wanted to make her feel better. Which is not a bad thing, but the way I did it was. It felt to me like she was acting as a child would. So, I treated her like I would treat a child, which was not the right role for me to be playing and probably not even how a parent should treat a child who is acting like that. I told her I would do something for her in return. When that didn't work, I offered to buy her something!
That hasn't happened to me in real life. People have usually taken what I say the way I intended it. Occasionally, they have gotten angry initially and I have done well with that. But I obviously need to work on this possibility, because someday someone really might react like that!
posted by Marianne at 7:28 AM
3 Comments:
People have usually taken your words the way you intended it? Wow, you're lucky. Seems to me that mis-interpretation is a major player in many interactions. Maybe I've just been unlucky. Or unclear.
I'm very glad that you were able to figure it out on your own and recognize the difference between the two comments.
Ah, Peg, how quickly I forget! It would have been much more accurate to say: After a lifetime of misunderstandings, in just the last few years, when I have finally started making a concerted effort to gather my thoughts and speak clearly and specifically to people when I had a concern and especially when I have pulled them aside, away from any distractions, and really concentrated on what they were saying as well, people have usually taken what I say the way I intended it. Before that, not!
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