An Interesting Dilemma
I found myself in a quandary this morning. I gave a speech on Asserting Yourself Effectively from the Advanced Manual, Interpersonal Communications, at one of my Toastmaster's clubs. This is a really fun manual because you get another Toastmaster to role play with you. My partner was terrific (and very funny). We had a great time. After my speech, as usual, I got feedback from the other club members.
I have been trained not to argue with feedback and I agree that I shouldn't for these very good reasons: (1) I have to get everything across in my presentation, not explain myself later, because (2) in a real-world situation, the audience would not tell me these things and I wouldn't have a chance to explain, and so (3) the audience is always right about how they perceived what I said. So, I was trying to just accept what they told me.
On the other hand, some of the feedback was disagreement with the way I asserted myself in the role play. It seems that several people thought that I was too wimpy. I didn't know what to say, because I'm not supposed to argue, but, on the other hand, I believe I handled it the right way. Assertive is not mean or tough or unkind. Assertive is clear and direct and caring. I hesitated for a long time, but then I did try to convince them to see it my way. But it's a loop within a loop, if you know what I mean, because I should have convinced them during my presentation!
Sometimes when I believe something, it's hard for me to remember that other people may not think about it the same way that I do. I have to get them to come with me, if I can. For that, I have to remember how I came to believe it, what convinced me.
I wonder, when giving a speech as opposed to having a conversation, should I always assume that people will disagree with my premise, because I can't check with them as I go, I have to do whatever convincing I'm going to do all at once? Or should I just have been ready for the comments and not tried to be silent? Hmmm. I think I will try to observe what other speakers do in that regard and what is most effective.
It's interesting!
I have been trained not to argue with feedback and I agree that I shouldn't for these very good reasons: (1) I have to get everything across in my presentation, not explain myself later, because (2) in a real-world situation, the audience would not tell me these things and I wouldn't have a chance to explain, and so (3) the audience is always right about how they perceived what I said. So, I was trying to just accept what they told me.
On the other hand, some of the feedback was disagreement with the way I asserted myself in the role play. It seems that several people thought that I was too wimpy. I didn't know what to say, because I'm not supposed to argue, but, on the other hand, I believe I handled it the right way. Assertive is not mean or tough or unkind. Assertive is clear and direct and caring. I hesitated for a long time, but then I did try to convince them to see it my way. But it's a loop within a loop, if you know what I mean, because I should have convinced them during my presentation!
Sometimes when I believe something, it's hard for me to remember that other people may not think about it the same way that I do. I have to get them to come with me, if I can. For that, I have to remember how I came to believe it, what convinced me.
I wonder, when giving a speech as opposed to having a conversation, should I always assume that people will disagree with my premise, because I can't check with them as I go, I have to do whatever convincing I'm going to do all at once? Or should I just have been ready for the comments and not tried to be silent? Hmmm. I think I will try to observe what other speakers do in that regard and what is most effective.
It's interesting!
posted by Marianne at 12:44 PM
4 Comments:
ummmmm....were we at the same meeting??
No, I'm sure we weren't together this morning. I think I was all alone. But that was because I didn't bring anybody along with me.
It's like the man said, "I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
Marianne - sometimes you might have to accept that people simply disagree with you or don't like the way you do/say things, and there's nothing you can do about it. Doesn't make you wrong.
You are right, Peg, I shouldn't worry so much. Still, I want to learn how to present my point of view so that people might be able to see it, even if they decide they disagree. You know how sometimes a speaker can get you to see the world slightly differently, if even for a moment?
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